Engaged.

Let's talk about being engaged.

Starting with the proposal, which is a complete blur until after it's over.
I spent, like, eighteen years of my life imagining that special moment with a slew of different proposers--from the red power ranger, to Ash Ketchum, to Legolas, to the cute boy at school, to my high school boyfriend, to every good looking person on the college campus. I went through scenarios with cookie cakes, dance routines, pavilions with twinkle lights, surprises on stage...

And none of those things happened.

It was over in approximately two minutes, in a place I hadn't expected to a man who hadn't existed in the hours I invested in my romantic daydreams.

I didn't even have process-able feelings about it until a few hours later.

Not that Josh did anything wrong. When I look back on the way everything happened, I am so grateful that there were no dance routines or pretty, romantic speeches. I am thankful for the shake in his voice, how awkward it was for him to kneel, and the way my giant purple hands splayed out in surprise.

But I guess it's similar to how we take a whole month to get ready for Christmas and then spend the day eating and piddling around. Christmas Day was awesome, but it wasn't the fantasy that the movies made us dream about.

(Unless, of course, YOU happen to spend Christmas sledding in the countryside ((in snow that isn't cold)) with a cheerful, non-dramatic, sweater-wearing family, before snuggling and playing board games and eating cookies together in front of the fire in your cozy log cabin while everyone talks about how wonderful life is. That might be you. I don't know.)

The proposal fantasies didn't include the week afterwards, which was a slippery slope of panic.

It felt like the whole world was calling, texting, and asking when the wedding was.
Uh.
I dunno.
Summer?
Wedding.
Marriage.
Haha.
Engaged.
Haha.
What?

I suddenly wished that I was one of those girls who'd been working on a wedding pinterest board for five years.

Finding the place to get married was easy: we wanted to do it in Josh's church. However, they don't allow dancing, so we needed a place for the reception.

I naively thought my friend Google would have all the answers.
Haha.

I quickly discovered that everything wedding-related is so expensive that most venues, dress shops, caterers, etc. don't actually post prices on their website.

Why, oh why, oh why, oh why.

I just wanted this to be like shopping for something on amazon.

I wanted numbers.

How many people?

What price?

Must I choose a package?
And all the websites were like:

NO, WE CAN'T TELL YOU THAT BECAUSE PLANNING YOUR WEDDING SHOULD BE LIKE THE MOST COMPLICATED AND EXPENSIVE PUZZLE YOU NEVER WANTED TO HAVE TO PUT TOGETHER.

In the meantime, I thought I'd go out for my first round of dress shopping. 

On a Saturday. At David's Bridal.

I wanted it to be low-key, so I only asked Morgan to come (with her mom and the boys).

I knew I was in trouble when I pulled into the last spot in the parking lot. When I walked inside, I was told to fill out a card with my information. It asked for a wedding date, which made me sweaty because it reminded me that I didn't have one, I didn't even have a venue yet, and HOLY COW eight or nine months couldn't possibly be enough time. Then I was whisked to an empty dressing room and stuffed into a corset and fluffy underskirt as I awaited the dresses that would be brought to me.

Did you know that wedding dress shopping is nothing like prom dress shopping?

I did not.

(And I'm not wearing a corset or fluffy underskirt on my wedding day.)

(NO.)
And I kept walking out onto the stage (yes, stage, in front of the dressing rooms) thinking, "I look like a cupcake...I look like a flowery potato sack...I look like an old lady..."

My friend Mary Claire heard my pleas for sanity, and sent me Barnes and Noble gift cards to buy a wedding planning book.

Bless her.

The book I chose is the most comprehensive wedding manual available to mankind (it was also one that I mocked every time I passed the wedding section in the bookstore--before I understood). It has a FOUR-PAGE CHECKLIST of all the things to do during your year-long engagement.

Fortunately, it also has a two-page "express" checklist for shorter engagements.

Pardon my hysteria-filled laughter.

Thankfully, we have nailed some of the details down, and my stress has gone down with it...you know, so long as I don't think about my entire life changing next year.

You know what's awesome, though?

I am going to be married to a GREAT MAN.

Someone who fits better than I ever thought possible.

He doesn't dance, play guitar, or have honey-gold hair like the boys of my dreams, but he's kind, humble, genuine, and understanding, and he makes the most ridiculous jokes.
I could not have possibly found a person more suited to the task of being around me all the time, and I love him so much.

But don't be fooled, single ladies. The smiling engaged lady in the facebook photos is a lot more confused than you are right now.