January.

I've always said that January is the month of nothing.
It's cold, it's brown, and nobody can remember what year it is--so it might as well not exist.
But that's not really January's fault, is it?
And some things do happen in January if you just pay attention.

Stuff that happened this January

I made pancakes. Twice.
I saw Frozen for the fourth time.
(in foreeeevveeerrrr...sorry)
It snowed/is currently snowing.
I played in the snow while singing the Frozen soundtrack.

Audrey and I went hiking in Narnia (Grandaddy's backyard) at Grandaddy's 85th birthday party.

The dentist said I had NO CAVITIES!
Which makes all the Starbucks I drank OK.
I gave a long presentation about China at a nursing home and loved having time to REALLY talk about it.
After a month of not going to school, I got to sub again and it was AWESOME.
I even subbed middle schoolers...and liked it.
Downton Abbey started up again.

The dog who wasn't a good fit for us found a new home.
I saw a lot of friends, even if I feel like I didn't.

Including a lot of time with these two silly boys:

I gave Fabio's aunt's baby an English name. His Chinese name, Wu Tong Yu, means tree/strong/healthy, and his new English name is Woody.

I read all the way through my crazy college blog, missed college, and then didn't miss college.
I went to my fabulous coworker Janice's birthday party and we all got our groove on with some Just Dance.

And I struggled with some emotions.

I felt lonely because, even though I have friends, I've not got many here in Sevierville who are single and in the same stage of life as I am.
I felt inadequate because I'm living at home without a "real" teaching job.
I felt insecure because I'm not sure what's happening next, and stuck because I think I'm supposed to stay here for a while.
I felt sad because, yes, even seven months later I still crave Chinese food and miss my Asian babies. Part of me was left behind at Shanxi Modern Bilingual School.

Some of my moping probably could have been remedied if the weather had been warm enough to go outside, or if I'd asked for more hugs, or if I hadn't spent so much time alone with my thoughts.
But it shows that here, in the dead of winter, I'm still being made to grow.

Disney Princesses (and how I deal with anxiety)

I have a great passion in life that may be a bit over the top. 

The common thread in all these photos? The sheer joy they gave me.

Seriously. There are at least eight visible things in my "grown-up" bedroom that have a princess on them somewhere. I regularly listen to Disney music at my desk at work and have seen Frozen FOUR TIMES since it hit the theater (granted, two of those times were free. That gets me a little less judgment, right?)

The truth is that, while I liked Disney princesses as a child, they didn't really turn into a "hobby" until I was in high school. 

In college was when I really...well...let it go.

See what I did there?

And even out of college, I can't help but get ridiculously excited almost to the point of straight-up embarrassing every time somebody gives me a princess-related thing. 

Everybody's got little quirks that make them unique, right?
Stuff that makes them weird?
Maybe I've just got a few extra idiosyncrasies because I spent the homeschooled years of my childhood learning how to entertain myself. Maybe I was just born that way.

Here are some other things I love.

Coloring.

Pretending to be Beyonce. Sometimes on stage.

Baba Larve, the Russian alter-ego that comes out when it's time to party.

You never know what ze Baba Larve ees going to do next. Yaga. 


Face-in-a-hole.

Hiking. And pretending to be King of the Woods.

Reading Children's books like these.

I also enjoy knitting, baking, eating chocolate, and watching Downton Abbey.

Like a lot of people, I sometimes struggle with anxiety. It's very easy for worrisome thoughts to plant themselves in my head and grow into full-fledged panic trees.

The best weapon against anxiety? Laughter. Something I'm good at.

When anxiety hits, it can make you feel trapped and helpless. After all, it's inside of you and you can't just pull it out and throw it away. If you let it sit long enough, it can even make you sick.
Sometimes, the best thing to do is remove yourself from the situation (at least for a little while) and make cookies
or belt out Defying Gravity
or do yoga
or ask for a hug
or do the absolute silliest thing you can think of.

But, most importantly, LAUGH.
Laugh a lot.

To the men in my life...

I have a lot of girl friends. 

A LOT. 

Girl friends are great. We love to be silly, talk a lot, and give each other hugs and compliments. And while I'm gung-ho about being an independent lady, I must admit that there is something inside of me that craves affirmation from guys (which could be said of a lot of girls, I think). 

I was blessed to grow up with a father who read me bedtime stories, a brother who spent time with me, and men who treated me like a lady--but a lot of girls don't have that. 

For the men in my life, the men I love and respect, this is a blog of thanks. 

Thank you for being awesome. 

Thank you for not making me feel like I have to look like the images of women I'm bombarded with every day. Thank you for not treating me like an object. 

Thank you for elaborating your manly-man stories with sound effects and hand gestures, because that makes them more exciting. Thank you for making me laugh.

Thank you for opening doors, carrying bags, and getting things for me, even though I can do those things myself. 

Thank you for showing me that I'm valued and special just the way I am. 

Thank you for being excited about the things I cook, because it makes me feel like a food master.

Thank you for reminding me not to take myself too seriously and overanalyze EVERY. SINGLE. THING.

Thank you for asking for my advice. 

Thank you for saying and doing ridiculous, unexpected things.

Thank you for telling me that I smell nice, look nice, sound nice, or act nice. I feel like I get extra points if you say those things when I didn't even try.

Thank you for spending time with me--whether that's sending a text saying "WORD UP--I just ninja'd a BUG" or driving eight hours to visit me.

Thank you for asking me to dance instead of making me sit on the sidelines, wondering why I put on makeup and a dress just to watch other people hold each other. And thank you for dressing up--you guys look nice in suits.

Thank you for brushing your teeth, taking showers, and wearing deodorant every day. I know it's hard.

Thank you for laughing at my jokes, even if they don't make sense.

Thank you for secretly liking Disney movies.

Thank you for walking me to my car when it's dark because, yes, it somehow makes me feel safer.

Thank you for respecting not just me, but all the women in your life. For taking us out to dinner, giving us hugs and high-fives, telling us we're pretty, cheering us on, loving us well, and teaching your sons to treat us the same way. Thank you for proving me wrong on the days that I want to believe that all men are bad. Thank you for pointing me to Christ.

You guys are great. Really.