The last post.

The last few weeks have been weird.

1) I discovered that I am, in fact, more of an extrovert than an introvert.

2) I had so much alone time it made me feel like gollum.

3) I was massively productive, but my room is still a mess.

4) Phone calls and text messages. So many of them. The cake lady, the coordinator, the reception person, the church sound guy, the hair lady, people who are playing music for us, the photographer, the caterer, and probably some other people I forgot.

5) There are a lot of presents stacked up in Daniel's room and the playroom.

6) We're supposed to be closing on a house this week and Josh has to be out of his apartment before Friday, which gives us a day and a half to pack his stuff and move it. Somewhere. Hopefully the house.

6 1/2) I don't know where we're sleeping between Sunday and Tuesday.

7) I've actually had more free time than I expected, and am on my fourth book of the summer. I also watched the first season of The Paradise on Netflix.

8) Our fridge and dining room are currently full of flowers. We had a couple of heart-wrenching scares that a) the order may not have been processed and b) OH GOSH THE FEDEX GUY DIDN'T DROP OFF THE HYDRANGEAS WHAT IF HE DOESN'T COME BACK TIL TOMORROW AND ALL THE HYDRANGEAS ARE DEAD?? But it's all worked out fine so far. The Fedex guy came back later.

9) Did you know that Hobby Lobby can be really therapeutic?

10) I've been more active on praying about things that bother me as soon as they come up, and I've also memorized Psalm 16. Those are both great things.

Since my last blog post, time seemed to slow down. I don't know if I was doing less or if God just put a bubble over me.

How do I describe what the few weeks before the wedding have been like? Not majestic or surreal or glittery or Big-Fat-Greek-Wedding-crazy, but different and disconnected. Like my head is a balloon or a unicorn came home and everyone accepted it as something normal.

That didn't make sense.

Hm.

Imagine that Christmas is coming and nobody has decorated for it. Everyone wants to talk to you about Christmas--which is great because OMG Christmas is great!--but there's no Christmas music on the radio, nobody is baking cookies, and other than your preparations, it doesn't seem like it's actually coming.

Maybe that's what it feels like?

Then again, I haven't been all that connected to feelings. All this transition is coming up, and usually when transitions come up, I get all sorts of nostalgic and reflective...but I'm not this time.

I think I'm just ready to do it.

I've gone through stages. I've questioned whether or not Josh was the one while simultaneously struggling with the urge to ride off into the sunset with a tattooed motorcyclist. I've mused about a courthouse wedding. I scoured and the abandoned pinterest. I watched strings of wedding youtube videos and cried.

So I guess the last couple of weeks, while lacking in sparkling emotion, were a time to rest and prepare. Which is good, because the events begin tomorrow.

It's been stressful, but nothing as bad as what I expected.

Three days left as Miss Love, which means that I'll have to start a new blog.

With a new husband.

In a new house.

And a new chapter.

 Our "last" date, when we weren't allowed to talk wedding.

The dining room and fridge overflowing with plants.

The wedding is making me crazy (part two).

I get married in [less than] three weeks.

School ended at the beginning of June, and the days leading up to that were more than a little stressful. It wasn't a good send off for my month-long trip to Wedding Land.
Predictably, I started hitting panic attack mode. It's been a good opportunity to practice my steps--and they work!--but my counselor and I had to have this conversation before I could get a grip:

Me: I'm feeling really anxious. I hope it's not because I got off my medicine.

Her: You're getting married in a month. This is normal.

Me: Oh yeah!

This stage of wedding and engagement stuff is different from the initial months of planning. All the big things are done: booking things, buying my dress, sending invitations, and so forth. Now we're in the final stretch, which is full of tiny, tedious things.

Examples (some are done, and some are not):

Finding ferns to go up on stage during the ceremony.

Buying makeup that isn't applied with a foam brush.

Getting earrings.

Calling the sound guy at the church.

Making a song list for the dj.

Making a shot list for the photographer so that we don't take a thousand years taking pictures.

Planning the day-of schedule (thank the Lord for my wedding coordinator).

Deciding on a sandwich platter for lunch the day of.

Researching our honeymoon place so we don't get stranded.

Buying a bunch of picture frames.

Messaging the cake lady. A lot.

Picking out wedding ceremony songs and asking people to play them for us.
Asking someone to man the ceremony programs.
Ordering flowers.
Putting the engagement announcement in the paper.
Collecting last-minute RSVPs.
And so forth.

Last weekend, I had a meltdown over lipstick.

LIPSTICK.

Here's what happened:
Audrey's friend is going to help us with makeup on the wedding day. She's good at makeup, but since I rarely wear noticeable makeup, we couldn't decide on the right colors for my face.We did two trial runs, neither of which was a smashing success. There was a debate on how much eyebrow I actually needed (because my eyebrows are close to invisible), and I thought--

I'll fix this with lipstick! Everything will look better with lipstick!

So I went to Ulta. My sales lady looked like Fergie and wasn't very helpful. I bought some lipstick, but when I tried it on again at home I didn't like it.

That was when I hit the meltdown. What if my wedding makeup ended up being a disaster? What if I put my lipstick on and had to rub it off and start over and my lips got all raw so that I looked like a kid who'd had a bunch of kool-aid? What if I looked like a vampire and nobody would tell me? What if I thought it looked good, and then in pictures it didn't?
AND HOW MUCH EYEBROW DID I ACTUALLY NEED TO MAKE MY FACE ACCEPTABLE??

The next day, I went to Belk and got new lipstick.
I tried on both lipsticks in my wedding dress and now I think I will go for the first one.
That's right. I dragged out my wedding dress just to decide on lipstick.

That wasn't the only body-conscious train of thought I've ridden on.

For a while, I was horribly self-conscious of my arms.

My rational mind knew that they are perfectly normal, healthy, fully-functional arms.

My irrational mind thought that they looked fat and red and awkwardly long at the ends.

So I started doing arm workouts with bottles of bodywash because I'm too cheap to go out and buy little arm weights.

There was also the three-day self-tanner obsession, in which I thought I could fix all of my problems with a sunless tan.

Why? Because it's summer and I'm afraid of a farmer's tan in my strapless dress.

And because I had a terrifying dream in which I forgot to reapply sunscreen and got the worst sunburn of my life two days before the wedding.

There are, of course, other frustrations, like.........
Actually, I don't want to talk about it anymore.

Everyone tells you not to worry about the details too much, which is true, but when you're having a wedding with a lot of people, the details do need some attending. It'll make me feel better just to know that I've finished them beforehand.

Now that I've gone through the negatives, here are some things that I HAVE enjoyed:

Sending invitations.

Writing thank you notes. 

Getting RSVPs back with stickers or confetti.

Making decisions with Josh.

Doing walk-throughs at the church and reception venue.

Talking with my wedding coordinator.
Walking through Hobby Lobby twenty times.
Being congratulated by everyone, and talking to people who are genuinely excited about coming to the wedding.
The "cake tasting" I did with Josh (mini cupcakes at his apartment).
Basically anything I've done with Josh.
The anticipation of having my best friends here together.
Hitting the check mark on that to-do list.

Last week Josh and I headed up to our reception venue with my parents to take pictures.
It was perfectly dreamy--low humidity with pretty blue skies and bright-green grass.
That was when I finally felt like everything would be ok.
The wedding will be beautiful, and if Josh is there it has to be good.
And truth be told, as long as I become Mrs. Davis, have cake, and get to dance, I think I'll be fine.

WE'RE GETTIN HITCHED!