Ineloquent

My time in Mongolia is half over.

I just...I don't...I'm so....

GAH.

I didn't have a "honeymoon phase" in either Uganda or China and missed home from the start both times. But dangit, I've liked UB since I got here. I've been stressed and I didn't like the cold, but now it's warming up and the sky is blue...

I don't feel like I'm supposed to stay here right now, but I'm already sad about going home.

And these middle schoolers.
They make me crazy.
But I want to hang out with them all the time because they're so daggum funny.

The sky is blue. The mountains are beautiful.

This post isn't eloquent because I really can't explain everything that's going on in my head right now.
I just wish time would slow down a bit.

Some Days I'm a Diva. Some Days I'm Not.

Four years ago I spent a summer in Uganda and had to be a week-long substitute for a Ugandan fifth grade English teacher only two days after I'd started "observing" at the school.

Two years ago I did my first student teaching placement in a fourth grade classroom, pulling resources together for an integrated unit without a curriculum, and spent five weeks of it in takeover because the classroom teacher had to go on leave. 

Last year I taught second grade English in China to 36 students at a time with a confusing textbook, no copy machine, and spotty technology. 

In September I started subbing 1st-8th grade.

YOU THIINK I'D BE GOOD AT THIS SINK-OR-SWIM TEACHING STUFF BY NOW.

The last two weeks have been a roller coaster. I've never planned lessons for middle schoolers, much less middle schoolers who kind-of speak English. And I've never planned lessons with the only objective being "make them speak". 

My kids don't just have my afternoon eighty-minute class, but they have a regular English class for an hour and a half in the morning AND another SSP class in the afternoon with a Mongolian English teacher where they practice listening and reading. When added to my class, that's over four hours of English classes. A DAY. 

I'm pretty sure that if I were in their shoes, I'd be ready to drop kick Miss Love by the time I got to her class.

My high group of students is really fun. Most of them understand my regularly spoken English and listen when I ask for it.There are also less than 20 kids in that class. 

My low group of students has 22-23 students (which has fluctuated over the last two weeks as some have switched classes), mostly boys, who are already crazy from their other English classes and don't give a fart and a half that I want them to do something.

So I had some personal issues this week. 

After all my different teaching situations, my certificates and experience and senior thesis on management issues, I still feel quite inadequate at this.

I didn't sleep much this week. I had two GREAT days and two days that ended in tears.

I spent at least three hours a day planning for lessons, some of which went up in smoke as the boys in the back pummeled each other when I was looking anywhere else.

My problems really began when I let myself think

"You aren't good enough."

Which is completely different from my everyday

"You are diva and you are strong. Now, STRUT."

It's a reminder that my usual bravado is just a cover for the insecurities that will always linger.
 I really, really, REALLY want to be perfect...but I CAN'T. 
I've got to give myself some grace and wiggle room.

Which means this is probably right where I need to be.

I really like these students.
I (still, somehow) love teaching.
It'll get easier in the next couple weeks--and then it'll be over.

Doing this almost makes me want to be a middle school teacher.
I mean, with all the emotions I've been through in the last week we can really understand each other.

That, and they say ridiculous and inappropriate things like, "Why did you not go see the volleyball tournament? Hairs in girls' armpits--it was so exhibit."

Miss Love and Mongolian Middle School

The last week.

Oh. My. Word.

To start it off, I moved into my new apartment on Sunday evening. It's closer to the school and has lots of odds and ends left behind in it from the family that technically owns it.

I spent the night alone without internet, playing the only thing I had on my computer--season three of Downton Abbey--in the background as I cooked dinner and unpacked my belongings.
We've wrestled with getting wifi here for a week, but have at least managed to get an ethernet cable going by now.

The apartment complex they put me in looks like a castle and my apartment is decked out in a mishmash décor of pinterest meets Asian grandma.

I love it.

And, even after spending Sunday evening slaving over the stove, I didn’t discover my lack of microwave until Monday morning—when I poured cold water over my oatmeal, did a 360 around the kitchen, and realized there was no way to heat up my mushy, cold breakfast.

OH WELL.

On Monday evening, Angela moved in. She’ll be the third SSP teacher and will spend the next two months putting up with my sloppy household habits.

On Monday, I started teaching.

No, it wasn’t pretty.

My load seems easy. I teach from 12:15-3:15 Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. My course is an English supplemental course, as the kids need help to meet Cambridge English standards in high school. I’ve only got about 40 eighth grade students total in two sections, with a low group and then a high group.

But let’s look at it this way.

I have to keep a gaggle of 20 adolescents busy for an hour and twenty minutes at a time.

Some of them are fluent in English and some are...not.

I don’t really have a curriculum or tangible standards.

And this is my first time actually teaching middle school.

OY VEY.

My first day was a blur, really. I began each class period by having students make a name card with some facts about themselves on the back.  I took a picture of each of them with their name, because I would most definitely forget who was who between the Temuujens and Amarsanaas. We went over the rules—respect me and respect each other—and, YES, I introduced the football chart.

I also got the idea from another teacher to make the students do push-ups if they are late to class (which makes me feel like a boss).

I honestly don’t remember much of what else happened that first day because I was so busy trying to figure out classroom management.

A few things about Mongolian middle school English class:

A)   These kids are hormonal teenagers and have drama just like American middle schoolers. How well the day's lesson will depend on the kid with the most emotions that day.

B)   There is a HUGE gap in language capability.

C)   Some of them are bigger than me.

D)   Mongolian culture is quite macho and wrestling is BIG THING. That means boys rip into each other—I mean, play fight—every time I'm not looking. Or even when I am looking. This is normal.

E)   I have never been with another group of kids who talked over the teacher as much as these do.

F)    Sometimes I feel like I’m herding cats. Scratch that. I’m herding camels that act like cats.

That said, these kids are freaking hilarious.

 “Miss Love, I am good at the twerking.”

“Miss Love, Tennessee is known for its whiskey. Whiskey is very good, right?”

“Like a boss, yes?”

Day one ended with me purchasing three bars of chocolate.

My second day was better than my first, and I don’t know how that happened. I’d gotten home late the night before  and had hardly any time to sit down and pull together activities (no curriculum? Fine, we’ll spend the day playing random games).

I’d never done any of those activities in a classroom before.

I was panicked before class and having a bad hair day.

But for some reason, even with their rowdiness, the kids responded.

I laughed a lot, threatened with the football chart, made a lot of kids do pushups, had virtually no idea what I was doing, and watched the students tell each other to shut it so I didn’t have to shout.

I will not walk away from every day feeling as good as I did when my second day was over.

But, yes. Miss Love DID feel like a boss.

By Thursday, I'd decided to start choosing topics of interest and building activities around those. You know, stuff the kids would want to talk about. 

Like dating.

BAHAHAHAHAHA.

"I want a girlfriend who watches anime and plays minecraft."

On Thursday, I needed a hug.

On Friday, I was happily exhausted.

That's life when you're a teacher.

Belly Anaconda and the Busy Week.

Whenever I go to another country, it's a known fact that about a week and a half into the experience I will hit the point of 

Digestive Misery.

It's not necessarily that I'm sick, it's just that my stomach wants to pretend it's a meat grinder and an anaconda at the same time.

Today is it's second day. Bleh.

But I am oh-so-thankful that this this time around I was expecting it, so I'm not worried about my belly exploding. 

I'm just glad for a day off to sit, drink tea, and wait it out.

Of course, my schedule this week hasn't really been gracious to my insides. This has been the busiest week I've had in a very long time. And by busy I mean that the last three nights I have come back to Pam's apartment feeling like my body and mind really, truly, ABSOLUTELY AND COMPLETELY couldn't process anything else.

I'm not complaining, though. It's the kind of busy that's exciting.

On Tuesday I visited Gandan Monastery, the big religious spot in town...but I'm glad my camera didn't come along because it was a spiritually terrifying and overwhelming experience, even after visiting a thousand-million Buddhist temples last year.

You're welcome to google it, though.

(Or look at it here: http://blog.lib.umn.edu/victor/hereandthere/2012/07/ulaan-baatar-mongolia---gandan.html)

Then there was an afternoon of Mongolian language lessons, which--LAND SAKES ALIVE--is like learning to do tongue gymnastics with your teeth shut. 

You're welcome to google that, too.

Wednesday was a day of practice teaching and observing at a secondary school, which is when I realized that Mongolian teenagers have just as many hormones as American ones.

It's time to pull out Miss Love's sassy pants.

That evening I went to ladies' night with Bethany and took these photos on the way there:

I promise that says "Supermarket".

That night I slept for TEN HOURS and still woke up tired the next morning.

I managed to drag my lazy corpse out, though, to spend time with Bethany and my once-upon-a-penpal, Agarmaa.

We walked around, which means that I was trailing behind and snapping pictures like a fool.

The name of the restaurant was California. Does that make us movie stars?

On Friday I woke up at FIVE FLIPPING AM to go out to camp with my school, New Era (...International Laboratory School of Mongolia, but who wants to use the whole name all at one time?).

Why 5:00? Because I had to be at the bus stop at 7:00 and knew that my diva self takes way too long to get ready in the morning. 

Why camp? Because the kids have been staying out there all week and the school has been bussing the teachers out to do stuff with them during the day.

Why did I only go on Friday? Because it wasn't required of me and, since I'm not a regular teacher, there wasn't really anything for me to do.

Now--I've heard a lot about the potholed Mongolian country roads, but when I got on the bus to leave the city I was thinking, "Bumps? PSH, I'm the bumpMASTER. Been there, BUMPED THAT."

hahahahaHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA.

The first 50 times I got airborne were fun, but by pothole number 387 I had to pee and was ready to kiss flat ground again.

Unfortunately, digestive misery set in around 9:00 and I consigned myself to mostly sitting back and people-watching, but here are a few pictures I did manage to take:

The summer part of the camp, which is abandoned during the long months of winter.

Middle schoolers practicing for the final performance.

The whole school practicing for the final performance.

I FOUND A CASTLE.

The lady teachers practicing for...you guessed it...the final performance.

THAT BUS.

My belly managed to hang on through my first team meeting that night before I collapsed in a miserable heap back at Pam's.

Today is International Women's Day, which meant waking up for a church ladies' breakfast this morning.

Yes, it was fun.

Yes, I regret that sticky bun and TWO CUPS OF COFFEE WHAT WAS I THINKING.

The Purse Scavenger Hunt. It's a real game.

So I'm taking it easy this afternoon. 

Tomorrow I'll be lesson planning and moving across the city to be closer to my school.

The next day I start teaching the 8th grade special English class.

This is all flying by far too quickly.