Herbert and the Good Week

Three reasons why last week was good.

1. I started working with my new kids. 

Up until that point, I'd been testing, placing, and filling out paperwork, but last week I finally started working with them. Every day I've got small groups of 2nd-8th graders for 30 or 45 minutes each.

My mornings start with 3rd and then 2nd grade. These are the children who love everybody and who exclaim, "YAY, READING!" when I show up at the door.

THAT'S RIGHT, SEVEN AND EIGHT YEAR OLDS. READING IS YAY.

Then I've got a seventh grade group, and while middle school still isn't my cup of tea, these guys make for fun discussion time.

"Highlight anything in the passage that you think is interesting."

*kid on my right highlights everything*

After that comes eighth grade and lunch, and then my squirrely groups--fourth and fifth. They're maddening, but they make me laugh.

"Miss Love, do we get a prize if we win?"

"Sorry, guys, I forgot my candy."

"Oh wait, I've got---yup--we can use this lifesaver I found in my pocket!"

"What are your hobbies?"

"TV, video games, and digging."

My last group is sixth, and they are very, very cute.

I'm still getting a feel for what to do with each group--I've got a 7-year range to work with--but in the small group setting I can see the kids making progress, which is ridiculously rewarding.

2. I survived a day of first grade.

On Friday, I was pulled last-minute to sub a first grade class.

Children between the ages of three and seven are their own type of animal, and I steer clear of their classrooms if I can help it. Why? Because I spend all of my time having the same conversations. 

"Class class!"

"Yes yes!"

"Everyone take your pointer finger and show me where the--"

"OW! SHE WON'T STOP PUSHING ME!"

"HE TOOK MY CRAYON!"

"I NEED A TISSUE!"

"I DON'T HAVE A PENCIL!"

"MY GRANDMA HAS THREE CATS!"

"--dotted line is. Ok, cool."

I anticipated the vortex-of-doom feeling as soon as I was told to go to first grade, so I came up with Herbert to make the day a little brighter.

Herbert started as a face and gained clothes/body parts when the class did well. If he made it to a dapper top hat, they got to watch a movie. We finished all of their work by lunchtime, so I made sure that Herbert got his hat. The best part of the day was saying, "If we keep being so loud, Mr. Herbert is going to lose his legs!"

3. The fair.

Josh has been looking forward to Fall since July, and has been talking about the fair since August.

On Saturday, we met up with Morgan and Kurt to eat good food, stare awkwardly at the world's smallest woman, pet some goats, and stand in lots of lines.

The best part of the day was laughing. The second best part of the day was feeling victorious because I didn't have a panic attack. Two thumbs up for being fully functional!

August

Three weeks ago, I started working at a new school.
This year I'm a reading intervention teacher, which means I'll be working with small groups on different grade levels.
Which was the perfect setup for post-Europe-panicky-Laura.
It meant that, in the midst of getting myself balanced, I didn't have to prepare a classroom (just a desk!), fret about parents, or pore over new curriculum. Not that this position will be a walk in the park, but I don't think I could have come up with a better situation for right now.

I have, of course, had my kids on my mind as the new school year started.
My fifth--now sixth--graders in Pigeon Forge.
My eighth--now tenth--graders in Mongolia.
My second--now fifth--graders in China.
Pictures of them are all over my new desk space.

August went by at turtle-speed, and I don't remember much of it.
I had a birthday, moved schools, and readjusted to life--mostly with the help of Boyfriend (also known as J Money).

This poor boy stood by me in my less-than-dignified moments...such as when he found me crying in my room on my birthday, because I was still adjusting to my medication and I COULD NOT decide what to wear to dinner and I was scared that I'd have a panic attack in whatever restaurant we were going to.

He's been patient in my times of high anxiety and he's helped me push my boundaries back out in a healthy way. He knows that the worst things anyone can hear during a panic attack are, "What's wrong with you? Snap out of it. Everything is fine!"
Those are the words already going through my head when I'm anxious, and they only make me feel crazy and guilty because everyone around me is fine. But the truth is that in those moments, I am experiencing real fear. My body thinks that real threat is imminent and has already sent adrenaline pumping through my veins.
What I need to hear is that the moment will pass, that I'm not crazy, and that I'm not alone.

Then I usually need food.

The good news is that I haven't had a full-blown panic attack in at least a month. My fear of restaurants is almost gone and I've started drinking coffee again. Josh makes me laugh on a daily basis and encourages me in between. And, while I miss a lot from last year, I really like my new school.
Now, if September will stop acting like August, we can get this year going.