The First Week of School.

A few thoughts about the first week of school, which just ended.

In the last five days, I spent 53 hours between concrete walls and under flourescent lights. I had a constant headache until about Wednesday.

On Tuesday night I had a nightmare about drowning in paper and, more importantly, not being able to get my lessons planned.

My arms are going to be steel cables after a year of carrying so much school stuff in and out of my car.

On Thursday, I got over 40 emails. I had to unceremoniously turn off my computer and walk away because I was afraid that dripping tears may fry my keyboard.

The first week of school is supposed to be about teaching your classroom rules and procedures. That's weird to do when YOU still aren't sure what your procedures should be.

"Two people can take bathroom breaks at a time!"

"Just kidding--go pee before class OR DON'T PEE AT ALL."

I'm pretty good at being Madame Serenity until the 16th student has asked me the same question.

"YES. IT IS ON PAGE SIX. EVERYBODY. GO TO PAGE SIX. PLEASE. FOR THE LOVE OF NUMBER TWO PENCILS. JUST DO IT."

(FYI: I have never yelled at my students. That would be a noise level 4, and I already told them that a noise level 4 should only happen if someone has broken a femur.)

"Class, class!" "Yes, yes!" has saved my life this week.

I apologize to the families of every dead tree that is lying on my desk.

The football chart has been resurrected.

I'm a little sad that these students can pronounce my name correctly.

I never read The First Six Weeks of School. It feels like I'm violating some kind of teacher code. Sorry, Harry Wang. I know you would have been a big help, but I was sorting through all the websites and whatnot that I need to sign up for.

And this sentence that I've heard more than once: 

"Sure, I'd love to send you my fifth grade lesson plans from last year. But the standards have changed since then, so be careful."

This week I had two bad days, one mediocre day, and two days that ended well.

Friday was the first day that I finally went, oh yeah, this is why I'm supposed to be here.

I wish I could tell you all stories about my kids.

They are unique, creative, and diverse.

I try very hard to tell them, as a group, when they are following my expectations and respecting each other well.

Why?

Because, more than anything, AS ALWAYS, my main concern is with their characters.

So if any of you have been lifting me up this week, focus specifically on this--

That my classroom would become a community of respect, empathy, and care.

I'm thankful to be Ms. Love.

The Pink Cardigan of Power

The last week and a half have been a pretty big deal.

Why?

Miss Love got a teaching job and turned 24.

The only thing that would've made it bigger was if Jude Law and Benedict Cumberbatch had flown out to propose and I'd become Laura Lawmberbatch.

Right now I should probably be working on a powerpoint or tweaking my gradebook or researching more about what to do during the first week of school, but my brain so full I....can't even think of a clever line to finish that sentence with.

And I already spent ten hours at school today.

So here we are.

Last Monday morning, two days before my birthday, I donned a pink cardigan, picked up my green binder, and drove my little yellow car to a teaching interview. I'd never thought about stopping by this school before because the sign out front had a big fat "MIDDLE" on it. Surprise surprise--this middle school also had a fifth grade. 

Forty-five minutes after I strutted through the front doors, I came back out again with two thoughts running through my head:

1) GO LAURA! GO LAURA! You didn't fidget or play with your hair ONCE! You are the interview MASTER! You have the cardigan of POWER! You are the prettiest lady who ever did sit in that OFFICE CHAIR!

2) AaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhHHHHH.

I was panicked. I knew next to nothing about this school, it was a middle school, I could end up with math, and I had no other interviews to compare with this.

What if they offered me a job?

It was like being terrified of the blind date your great-aunt Bernice set you up on.

Not that I've ever been set up on a blind date or had a great-aunt Bernice.

Anyway.

I went back to my office job and spent six hours feeling like my stomach was slithering out the soles of my shoes while my scanner WWWWWHHHRRRRVVVed a dirge in the background.

Then.

THEN.

My phone went off.

Bpppt bpppt.

"Hello, this is Laura."

"Hi, Laura. You still interested in being a tiger?"

"UH. Sure? What grade?"

"I've got a fifth grade position. Is that a yes or a no?"

"Yeeeeessssss....?"

REAL PROFESSIONAL, LAURA.

After I hung up, my phone hit the desk and I wandered into my aunt/manager's office.

"I got a job," I said. "I guess this is my last day?"

(and it was, but they still threw a little party on my birthday and we all had PIE.)

Suddenly I had what I'd been praying for, less than two weeks before school was supposed to start.

I was going to have a classroom. 

A badge. 

A name plaque.

Piles and mountains of paper.

And 20-something fifth graders.

The next day I went back to the school and started meeting co-workers and digging through my room.

That's when I finally got stoked.

I'm not kidding when I say that I couldn't have asked for a better team to work with.

I have Language Arts and Social Studies, which is exactly what I wanted.

Kindergarten is something I won't have to fear as long as I work at this school.

All that fear I felt after my interview should have been a positive indicator, because as we all know, most good experiences start with me being terrified.

Over the last week I've accumulated enough paper to build my own castle--which is fortunate because I may need it to cover up my poor, unfinished classroom. 

I survived open house with a smile, cookies, and fifteen pounds of "I've-got-this". 

School starts on Friday.

I don't have any cap erasers or pencil holders yet.

This year is going to be hard.

You know what, though? It's where I'm supposed to be.

And I'm excited.

This will be my new background WWWWHHHRRRRVVV.

24.

There are a lot of days when getting stuck in a rut is easy.

Days when you believe that life isn't going in the direction it should, when you feel lonely, and when you're sure that you've missed some sort of mark.

Everybody has them.

I have them a lot, and I'm sure I will have them for the rest of my life.

But today, on my 24th birthday, I want to look back at gifts the Lord has given me over the last year.

I want to remember how He has provided. 

Why?

It's one of the ways He keeps my head from getting too big or too small.

To be cheesy, I'll make a list of 24 things and give it a title:

Before 24: Blessings during Laura's 23rd year of life

1) Le'monjuice. The cutest car in the world.

2) An office job. The day after my 23rd birthday, I started scanning charts at dad's office, which gave me a lot of time to reflect on...everything. And, yes, there were some days where I took extra bathroom breaks just so I would have two minutes of peace from the WWWHHHHRRVVVV of the scanner, but the ladies at the office more than made up for that in life and laughter.

3) Fall Program. I hung out with these people a lot during the Fall while they lived at Discipleship Focus, and they were the community that helped me adjust post-China. Also, they're awesome.

(Minus the girl in purple. We didn't know her.)

4) Frozen. Four times in the theater, because I have a problem.

5) Christmas with family. Not just immediate family, but a whole bunch of Loves.

6) Seeing a lot of my brother and sister.

7) Subbing. My two-days-a-week job that was nerve-wracking and awkward half the time, and an awesome learning experience the other half of the time. There are few things more rewarding than all the kids in school knowing who you are and being called "The China Lady".

8) A year's worth of blue sky and nature. Go to Asia, you Tennesseans. Come back and feel blessed.

9) Baking. Thanks, America, for chocolate chips.

10) Randomly being sent to Mongolia. Just when I was feeling most stuck-in-a-rut, I was suddenly hopping a plane to go to Mongolia, of all places. WHO GOES TO MONGOLIA?? Which leads to...

11) Teaching eighth graders. Who I came to love--not as much as the teachers who were with them all year--but a LOT for only having them for two months.

12) Having an awesome team in Mongolia. I was selfish and didn't love them very well, but they loved me well, and I don't think they know how thankful I am that they did.

13) Returning to China. I don't know if I can ever be blessed as much as I was that week.

14) Going to Spain. The people, the places. SO. MUCH. AWESOME. 

15) Reconnecting with myself. There's a stateside Laura and an overseas Laura. Personally I think the overseas one is more interesting. 

16) Roadtrips. Taking my baby car to see people I miss.

17) Singleness. Some days you forget that it's a gift.

18) International students. From my Kazakh friend visiting in June to getting to hang out at the International Student Ministry every once in a while over the last month. 

Being with those kids is a blast.

19) Downton Abbey and Sherlock Holmes. I've got a Benedict Cumbercrush.

20) Becoming an Aunt. My best friend since 2nd grade birthed the cutest little boy, and yes, he's calling me Aunt Laura. In his mind. Because he can't talk yet.

21) Solid long-distance friends. While friends at home are sweet and near, my friends at far are caring and dear.

I should go into cross-stitch.

22) Getting to observe true Tennessee culture. Out of all the places I've been, home may be the most entertaining. 

23) Sleeping in a soft, clean bed. NEVER TAKE IT FOR GRANTED.

24) Being uncomfortable and feeling out of place. Being the youngest at the office, being THE SUB, being in Fall Program without living at Discipleship Focus, being the new short-term foreign teacher in Mongolia, being the teamless first-timer at camp in Spain, being the only American 20-something-year-old with the international students, being that-girl-who-went-to-China-which-makes-her-not-really-from-around-here everywhere in Sevier County...

I'm almost more comfortable not fitting in than I am with being one of the group.

It's been a year of waiting and insecurity, but it's also been a year of unexpected adventures and growth.