December and the first half of January kicked my butt.
It started when Christmas break did, with a bunch of shopping, baking, and friendly gatherings.
The whirlwind that was Christmas Eve--with church service, the Hutchinson Christmas party, Franklin Christmas, and the annual Love sisters reading-of-Christmas-stories-with-accents.
Then Christmas came, with days of subsequent events.
Visiting with my grandmother a couple of times.
The Davis family gathering.
The Love family gathering.
The Hammer family gathering.
Two more rounds of wedding dress shopping.
What.
By the time it was over, Josh had left for trip to Thailand, and I wasn't going to see him again until the middle of January.
I hardly had any time to be sad about that before it was time to go to Lisa's house for New Year's.
Mary Claire and I rode together, which was great because I hadn't seen her in at least two years. For for days, we ate a bunch of food, blew party horns, went roller skating, checked out a new mall, watched a movies, and finally beat Pandemic.
The day after getting back from Lisa's, I hit the ground running back at school.
For two days.
Then it was time for a family vacation to Disney World because Daniel lives there and he didn't get to come home for Christmas.
The following photos are all the behind the scenes non-fancy pictures that dad wasn't taking.
(Seriously, though. Can we talk about Repunzel's bathroom and how I used it twice even though I didn't have to pee?)
We went to Animal Kingdom, Epcot, and Magic Kingdom, as well as Animal Kingdom Lodge, the Polynesian, Disney Springs, and Disney Quest. Daniel beat Audrey and me at Settlers of Catan three times. I finally bought the poptarts I'd been craving for months. We spent a day visiting with my grandfather. I listened to Northanger Abbey and Pride and Prejudice on audiobook. A lot of knitting was accomplished.
We did (and ate) a LOT.
I still have panic disorder, right?
Right.
I had been dreading this season since, I don't know, October, because it sounded about as hectic as another month in Europe. My counselor and I spent an entire session planning out how to deal with the stress and not freak out.
Back in August and September I was still afraid of restaurants and Walmart, but now I was going to Disney World.
Ugh.
Who am I.
Anyway.
I obviously made it, and here were my coping strategies:
1. Positive visualization and self-talk. Because what's the point of mulling over the possibility of having a terrible time and then definitely having a terrible time?
2. Deep breathing. Like, fake-pregnant-lady belly breathing.
3. Finding a mental happy place. I used to think that was a joke, but now I'm all about it. My happy place can be anywhere I want it to be, gosh darn it, and if I want to go to my happy mental princess castle, and I can do just that.
4. Smothering myself in essential oils.
5. Leaning into my feelings. If my body is telling me to cry, then CRY, DANGIT.
6. Prayer, because the rest is pointless without it.
Zoloft is helpful, too.
There were only two panic incidences during that trip. The first was when the Haunted Mansion ride got stuck next to a creepy dead bride, which almost triggered an attack ("Til DEATH do us paaaart....for better or for WORSSSE..."). But the worst semi-attack was on our way back, as we went through St. Augustine. It was lunchtime and being in the car sucks, so as soon as we got to the visitor center I let myself have the cry I wanted and things went uphill from there. We ate lunch and I was good.
I've learned that it's alright to embrace my scared feelings. If I validate them and take care of them, they leave a lot more quickly.
As my counselor taught me, "Hug your amygdala."
These three weeks showed me that I don't have to be in paralyzing fear of my anxiety.
I'm ok.
God provided me with coping skills.
However, routine is nice and I have gladly taken it back.
Amygdala and Josh are happy to have it back, too.
It started when Christmas break did, with a bunch of shopping, baking, and friendly gatherings.
The whirlwind that was Christmas Eve--with church service, the Hutchinson Christmas party, Franklin Christmas, and the annual Love sisters reading-of-Christmas-stories-with-accents.
Then Christmas came, with days of subsequent events.
Visiting with my grandmother a couple of times.
The Davis family gathering.
The Love family gathering.
The Hammer family gathering.
Two more rounds of wedding dress shopping.
What.
By the time it was over, Josh had left for trip to Thailand, and I wasn't going to see him again until the middle of January.
I hardly had any time to be sad about that before it was time to go to Lisa's house for New Year's.
Mary Claire and I rode together, which was great because I hadn't seen her in at least two years. For for days, we ate a bunch of food, blew party horns, went roller skating, checked out a new mall, watched a movies, and finally beat Pandemic.
The day after getting back from Lisa's, I hit the ground running back at school.
For two days.
Then it was time for a family vacation to Disney World because Daniel lives there and he didn't get to come home for Christmas.
The following photos are all the behind the scenes non-fancy pictures that dad wasn't taking.
(Seriously, though. Can we talk about Repunzel's bathroom and how I used it twice even though I didn't have to pee?)
We went to Animal Kingdom, Epcot, and Magic Kingdom, as well as Animal Kingdom Lodge, the Polynesian, Disney Springs, and Disney Quest. Daniel beat Audrey and me at Settlers of Catan three times. I finally bought the poptarts I'd been craving for months. We spent a day visiting with my grandfather. I listened to Northanger Abbey and Pride and Prejudice on audiobook. A lot of knitting was accomplished.
We did (and ate) a LOT.
I still have panic disorder, right?
Right.
I had been dreading this season since, I don't know, October, because it sounded about as hectic as another month in Europe. My counselor and I spent an entire session planning out how to deal with the stress and not freak out.
Back in August and September I was still afraid of restaurants and Walmart, but now I was going to Disney World.
Ugh.
Who am I.
Anyway.
I obviously made it, and here were my coping strategies:
1. Positive visualization and self-talk. Because what's the point of mulling over the possibility of having a terrible time and then definitely having a terrible time?
2. Deep breathing. Like, fake-pregnant-lady belly breathing.
3. Finding a mental happy place. I used to think that was a joke, but now I'm all about it. My happy place can be anywhere I want it to be, gosh darn it, and if I want to go to my happy mental princess castle, and I can do just that.
4. Smothering myself in essential oils.
5. Leaning into my feelings. If my body is telling me to cry, then CRY, DANGIT.
6. Prayer, because the rest is pointless without it.
Zoloft is helpful, too.
There were only two panic incidences during that trip. The first was when the Haunted Mansion ride got stuck next to a creepy dead bride, which almost triggered an attack ("Til DEATH do us paaaart....for better or for WORSSSE..."). But the worst semi-attack was on our way back, as we went through St. Augustine. It was lunchtime and being in the car sucks, so as soon as we got to the visitor center I let myself have the cry I wanted and things went uphill from there. We ate lunch and I was good.
I've learned that it's alright to embrace my scared feelings. If I validate them and take care of them, they leave a lot more quickly.
As my counselor taught me, "Hug your amygdala."
These three weeks showed me that I don't have to be in paralyzing fear of my anxiety.
I'm ok.
God provided me with coping skills.
However, routine is nice and I have gladly taken it back.
Amygdala and Josh are happy to have it back, too.
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