Teacher Blogs

Over the last six years, I've stood in front of over a thousand students (cumulatively--not all at once, you nincompoop) and been called "Miss", "Teacha", or "Mees". I've worked with children from many backgrounds, taught with nothing but chalk and black-painted cardboard, walked over a mile to school, subbed without lesson plans, had conversations with kids who didn't speak my language, and managed classes with no rosters.

But there are three things about teaching that are still Boogeyman-scary to me.

1) Lesson planning.

2) Teacher books.

3) Teacher blogs.

Here's the thing. I'm 24. I've been to a lot of places and spent a good chunk of my tiny career planning without any curriculum. It worked in developing countries. It doesn't work here. I suddenly have A THOUSAND BILLION RESOURCES AT MY FINGERTIPS and ALL OF THEM MUST BE BETTER than the things I can come up with in my LESS EXPERIENCED BRAIN (see what I just used? That's called hyperbole. It's figurative language that likes to be dramatic. We're learning about it next week).

This is what happens when I lesson plan these days:

Step one--look very carefully at the textbook.

Step two--look through other, related books to see if they have anything better.

Step three--google everything (like hyperbole).

Step four--now that the internet has given me full understanding, google activities.

Step five--google more activities, with side trips to wikipedia articles and history clips on youtube.

Step six--look at the textbook again.

Step seven--call a coworker and whine.

Step eight--plan something.

Step nine--change it before school starts.

Step 1/2--look at the standards between every step.

This is what the young teachers do.

Every once in a while, I tell myself it would be helpful to look at an old textbook or something by Harry Wong. However, these make me cry, because they use phrases like, "Highly effective teachers do _______. ALL OF THEM DO THIS THING." 

They also use phrases like, "You are weak," "Your children will fail," and "You are an unorganized pig."

So I turn to the internet, and most of my google searches look like this-- "5th grade activities ________" (fill in the blank with the Great Depression or, you know, hyperbole). You know what pops up every. single. time?

Pinterest.

And.

Teacher blogs.

And suddenly I'm vomiting over polka dots, pastels, and perfect centers (know what I just used? That's called Alliteration. We learned about that before the Icepocalypse started). I guess I'm not the typical elementary teacher, because I legitimately hate cheesy fonts, pictures of animals that belong in a daycare, and over-lamination.

Like these horrors:

Ahh.

No.

NO.

NOOOOO.

These people always have rainbow handwritten flipcharts: 

Which are, of course, perfect.

I'm sure these are well-meaning, lovely people who never sleep.

While I realize that children need visual stimulation and that they learn from things hung on the wall, I also realize that they won't learn if their teacher feels insane. And I would.

These bloggers also happen to have lessons that went so well, which their children really loved!, and they provide the worksheets they made themselves with REALLY ADORABLE FONT! ;) (see what I did there? That's a winky-faced emoticon. It has no place in society. Or a blog.)

Maybe my problem is that I have no soul or spent too much time in developing countries. Probably the former.

But, in the face of my inadequacies, I will applaud myself for these things:

1) I have never cried in front of my students.

2) I have never cried in front of my principal.

3) My lesson plans are usually turned in on time.

4) I don't pack yogurt and tuna every day for lunch. Yet.

5) There are grades in my gradebook.

6) I give at least one compliment a day.

7) I don't talk to my kids like they are babies.

8) I manage to eat chocolate every day.

9) I am REALLY good at being nice to people who don't like me.

10) I wake up every weekday, put on clothes, and go to school. (except, of course, during Icepocalypses)