Why weirdos with snuggies shouldn't have blogs.

It's time for a really great story about when I was a college sophomore and was foolish enough to think that nobody read my blog.

Yes, I was a nineteen-year-old with a blog, and it was a crazy-random collection of all the spastic things that I was doing with my friends. It was also a free-for-all on my thoughts and opinions because I was certain that no more than five people were interested in what it said.

The beginning of sophomore year (and that blog) overlapped with an epic breakup, after which I was determined to prove my independence in a way that would prevent anyone sane from dating me. So I asked for a snuggie for Christmas, and I named it Jacob Snuggie because I was really into Twilight at the time. I even went as far as making a facebook page for it and putting us in a relationship, because, you know, that's HILARIOUS.

WHY DID I DO THAT. WHY DID ANYBODY LET ME DO THAT.

Anyway.

Imagine my surprise when I returned to college after Christmas to find out that the boy sitting next to me in Doctrine class was named Jacob Snuggs.

I am not kidding.

And he had shaggy blonde hair which was ENTIRELY my jam at the time.

Thinking myself safe, I blogged about the irony of this for all five of my readers.

Mentioned how much I'd like to, you know, snuggle with him.

A few weeks later, he cut his hair and I found out that he was engaged. Of course, I had to blog about the tragedy of that, too.

I even used the words "long, majestic, honey-gold locks" because I don't blog halfway.

The following paragraph in that same entry included some whining about my weight.

Not long after, he moved to a seat at the back of class. I couldn't figure out why.

I spent that summer interning in Uganda. Towards the end of the internship, my teammate--who I had not been friends with before this trip--and I had the "first impressions" conversation that all girls like to have after they've gotten to know each other really well.

Her: "Yeah, I thought you'd be a total weirdo because of that blog you wrote."

Me: "What."

She went on to tell me how she'd heard about those specific blog entries through the grapevine, and about how he had read the blog--at which point I was fairly certain that all the popular people at Covenant knew about it, because he was in that circle and my college was tiny.

Later, I went back to my blog to check the phrases that people had entered to search for my blog, and there were things like "laura love jacob snuggs blog" and "laura love snuggs" and "all your dignity is gone you sad and shameful weirdo you". 

Then I found out how to block people from finding it, and I stayed single for the rest of college.

Moral of the story: 

Don't do that. Don't ever do that.

(Though I'm fairly certain one of those popular people will magically find this blog post, too. Then again, I've not got much pride left to lose.)

The end.