You read that title right.
In the realm of school, there are certain words that shouldn't be said around teachers too much.
Oh no, I'm not talking about real life curse words.
I'm talking about little phrases that will make any teacher's calves tighten up, stomachs drop, and teeth grit. Words that should rarely be mentioned unless you're looking to be assaulted with raised eyebrows, whacked with a cardigan, and sent straight to the office.
(Disclaimer: these only seem to have an effect on the young teachers who do not yet have the skin of a rhinoceros.)
"Bus duty"
Two teachers. Two weeks. A gymnasium full of children at the beginning and end of ten very long days. Bus duty perks? Yelling, shooing kids out of the bathroom, and chasing renegade students down the hallway.
In that sentence, "chasing" was 100% serious.
"In the bathroom"
If a child uses this phrase, you know your day is about to get turned upside down.
Nothing good ever happens in the bathroom. Ever.
"There's blood everywhere."
Don't laugh. It happened to me this week.
"Check your email."
Nobody ever tells you to check your email because they sent you something nice. For once, I'd like to open my inbox and see an email titled,
"Compliments to the nicest, most patient and understanding teacher in all of Tennessee"
or
"For my child's beautiful teacher"
or
"Free Gigi's in your mailbox"
or
"Hot date with Theo James at the Donut Friar."
"Have you finished..."
Probably not. Was there something to finish? SHOOT. I forgot to input yesterday's attendance, make a list for the reward party, give that makeup test, pass out that important notice, check planners, and sign up five people for detention.
What time is it?
What day is tomorrow?
What was that other thing you were talking about?
"Observation"
The moment your observer walks through the door, the classroom feels like it's on fire and you're sure you're standing in front of the kids in your underwear.
What's a verb again?
"Parent-teacher conference"
This one's a double edged sword. Sometimes it's really good. Sometimes it's really not.
Anxious anticipation should be the next breakthrough weight-loss plan for young teachers.
"Grade cards"
NO NO NO. THAT MEANS ALL OF THE PAPERS HAVE TO BE LOOKED AT AND RECORDED IMMEDIATELY.
There's a reason this rhymes with "graveyards".
On the flip side are some phrases that I like to call bless words.
"I made cookies"
Usually this phrase comes out of my own mouth.
"_______ meeting is cancelled."
YES! I'll go home before six!
"Snow day"
Which is another way of saying "catch up and recover day".
Get back in my warm bed?
DON'T MIND IF I DO.
"Clean"
As in, a student who finished early wants to straighten up/organize that mountain of processed trees sitting on the back table.
"You look pretty"
Five hours of sleep and you think I still look fabulous? A+ for ALL OF YOU.
"I did ______ for you"
You put my tissues away? You wiped down the desks without being asked? You finished your homework for the first time?
Sorry. I'm crying. I know it's awkward for everybody.
"I love you"
This comes out of my students' mouths frequently. And for that, I am blessed.
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In the realm of school, there are certain words that shouldn't be said around teachers too much.
Oh no, I'm not talking about real life curse words.
I'm talking about little phrases that will make any teacher's calves tighten up, stomachs drop, and teeth grit. Words that should rarely be mentioned unless you're looking to be assaulted with raised eyebrows, whacked with a cardigan, and sent straight to the office.
(Disclaimer: these only seem to have an effect on the young teachers who do not yet have the skin of a rhinoceros.)
"Bus duty"
Two teachers. Two weeks. A gymnasium full of children at the beginning and end of ten very long days. Bus duty perks? Yelling, shooing kids out of the bathroom, and chasing renegade students down the hallway.
In that sentence, "chasing" was 100% serious.
"In the bathroom"
If a child uses this phrase, you know your day is about to get turned upside down.
Nothing good ever happens in the bathroom. Ever.
"There's blood everywhere."
Don't laugh. It happened to me this week.
"Check your email."
Nobody ever tells you to check your email because they sent you something nice. For once, I'd like to open my inbox and see an email titled,
"Compliments to the nicest, most patient and understanding teacher in all of Tennessee"
or
"For my child's beautiful teacher"
or
"Free Gigi's in your mailbox"
or
"Hot date with Theo James at the Donut Friar."
"Have you finished..."
Probably not. Was there something to finish? SHOOT. I forgot to input yesterday's attendance, make a list for the reward party, give that makeup test, pass out that important notice, check planners, and sign up five people for detention.
What time is it?
What day is tomorrow?
What was that other thing you were talking about?
"Observation"
The moment your observer walks through the door, the classroom feels like it's on fire and you're sure you're standing in front of the kids in your underwear.
What's a verb again?
"Parent-teacher conference"
This one's a double edged sword. Sometimes it's really good. Sometimes it's really not.
Anxious anticipation should be the next breakthrough weight-loss plan for young teachers.
"Grade cards"
NO NO NO. THAT MEANS ALL OF THE PAPERS HAVE TO BE LOOKED AT AND RECORDED IMMEDIATELY.
There's a reason this rhymes with "graveyards".
On the flip side are some phrases that I like to call bless words.
"I made cookies"
Usually this phrase comes out of my own mouth.
"_______ meeting is cancelled."
YES! I'll go home before six!
"Snow day"
Which is another way of saying "catch up and recover day".
Get back in my warm bed?
DON'T MIND IF I DO.
"Clean"
As in, a student who finished early wants to straighten up/organize that mountain of processed trees sitting on the back table.
"You look pretty"
Five hours of sleep and you think I still look fabulous? A+ for ALL OF YOU.
"I did ______ for you"
You put my tissues away? You wiped down the desks without being asked? You finished your homework for the first time?
Sorry. I'm crying. I know it's awkward for everybody.
"I love you"
This comes out of my students' mouths frequently. And for that, I am blessed.
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