I don't speak "School".

Y'all are going to get tired of all these posts about teaching, but until I figure out how to grade/plan/be a teacher like The Flash, I won't have anything else to write about.

However, in lieu of my not being able to go many places right now, I'd like to write a short piece on how one's first job in an American school is much like adjusting to another country.

1) Everyone speaks a different language.

RTI?

Star Testing?

Renaissance Learning?

Skyward?

Tier Three?

HANG ON, I need Google Translate for this.

2) Plans usually don't work out.

The copier ran out of ink and I didn't know until the tests I was passing out turned out to be blank? OH WELL. Everybody....work on narratives instead. 

Prompt:

Write a story about a) someone who always has bad luck, or b) a tired teacher who doesn't check all her copies when they come out of the copy machine.

3) You're slow. At everything.

Two years ago it took me three hours to go to a real grocery store. 

These days it takes me three-four hours to plan ten lessons (that will all be replanned the morning before I teach them). 

4) Technology is unpredictable.

Like when the microwave in the teachers' lounge stops working at lunchtime. 

5) Everything around you feels dirty.

MMMMMM. The germs of hundreds of small people all packed into a one-story building...coated in a layer of pencil lead smeared by Dorito-laced fingertips.

6) Going out of your room at the wrong time can get you run over.

Packed hallways complete with the smells of sweaty, stressed bodies.

7) Chocolate will make you more excited than it used to.

Overseas, Twix is a miracle because it's a rare find. At school, Twix is a miracle because any form of chocolate will help everything feel more ok.

8) You come home drained from sensory overload.

But this time, it's because at least 60 people needed something from me that day.

9) Contact with friends can completely change your day.

Overseas, the problem was time difference. Now it's because their conversations remind me that life exists outside of the classroom.

"You met someone on Ok Cupid? You're going on a date? HAHA. What's a date?"

10) Baking will fix everything.

At least, for a little while.