The Sub.

I never wanted to be a sub, because subs are always called "THE SUB". 

I understand that there is a lot of turnover in the world of substitutes and that I'll probably be guilty of doing it when I'm a regular teacher one day. 

But really.

THE SUB?

What am I?

A sandwich?

And underwater boat? 

Sub is at the beginning of words like "subservient", "subordinate", and "subdue". 

I would rather it be associated with better words. 

Suberhero?

Suberb?

Suberawesome?

Regardless, I really like subbing.

It's what I do two days a week at school that's six minutes away from my house on the days that I'm not working at my dad's office.

I like walking into the school cafeteria and having rock star syndrome because kids are yelling, 

"AY, THERE'S MISS LOVE!!!"

"HEY MISS LOVE!"

"NI HAO MISS LOVE!"

I like telling my older classes about China.

If I've met the teacher before, I'll ask her to leave behind her computer password so I can bring in some pictures and videos of my Chinese babies to show the students at the end of the day. It's nice to talk about China to people who really want to hear about it, are interested in learning Chinese numbers, and are FASCINATED by squatty potties.

"Do they use toilet paper?"

"Where are the doors?"

"They pee TOGETHER?" 

"What happens when they--EWWWWW!!!"

Kids get excited when they walk in the classroom and see me, THE SUB, because they expect a free day. 

Then I slap a behavior chart up on the board and crush their hopes and dreams. 

From 1st grade to sixth, I progress from adding limbs to stick figures to drawing stars and dots to putting up bad checks and good checks to pitting myself against the class in behavior football. 

Not what I'd necessarily use as a regular teacher, but it works as a one-day survival technique. 

I also don't understand--or underestimate--the power of stickers.

There is an extreme difference between yelling at a kid in front of the class and talking quietly with a kid at their desk.

Yelling makes you an instant enemy. Talking quietly shows what your voice-level expectations are.

Giving compliments can make you a trustworthy ally.

I really like subbing fifth grade, mostly because I've done it three times and now they know me and think I'm cool.

Even if they smell weird.

Each day of subbing always begins with an hour of panic because it's like the first day of school...every day. 

I don't know what the class routine is (and magically the students don't seem to, either).

Sometimes the teachers leave especially cryptic lesson plans. 

Every class has different protocol for bathroom breaks.

And there's always that one kid. 

The one kid who insists that the teacher gives him candy at the end of the day because she's definitely his aunt, who stuffs his hand in the basket of dried snake skins because they belong to him, who is suffering injustice every five minutes just because, and who always alwAYS ALWAYS has to pee.

Somehow that one kid usually ends up being a guy, and he's the one kid in the class whose name I certainly won't forget.

My heart hurts for the one kid. 

Even as a sub, I have really touching moments.

Talking to a boy out on the playground who comes from a really broken home but has specific dreams of joining the army and then going to college and becoming a dentist.

Seeing kids I subbed around town and hearing them say, "When are you coming to our class again?" 

Being told by a mom (who was at my dad's office where I happened to be working that day), "My son hung onto your every word when you told his class about China. He wouldn't stop talking about it."

I especially love it when I'm called Miss Love instead of the sub...which is short for, you know, 

Suberstar.